He can’t make you feel frustrated. She didn’t make you sad. Your mom didn’t make you feel annoyed. Your thoughts made you feel frustrated, sad or annoyed. Your thoughts caused your feelings. Your feelings caused your actions. So, how do you change your thoughts? One thought at a time. When you can figure out the sentence or sentences in your mind that led up to your feelings, you can reframe your thoughts, and your feelings will follow. Nobody else can control your feelings. You are the only one that has the power to change your feelings. It may not make sense to you at this moment, but it is possible.
There are too many posts stating, “suicide is selfish”, “they had so many resources around them”, or “how could they do this to their kids?” When someone believes that suicide is the only way to end their pain…that’s all they can think about. We all have unhelpful thoughts…some more than others. Our thoughts can make us or break us. Mismanagement of our thoughts is why we can’t stop overeating, drinking, abusing drugs, procrastinating, gossiping or whatever problem you can’t seem to solve. Stop judging others and use that energy to reach out to your loved ones.
How do we help? Stop pretending! We aren’t supposed to be happy ALL the time. We will experience positive emotions as well as negative emotions. And that’s ok! Stop resisting negative feelings. It’s part of the human experience. Talk about them with somebody, journal, exercise, whatever you do, don’t resist them.
How do we help? Normalize mental health. The same way you “check in” and give shoutouts when you go to the gym, spa, dentist, chiropractor, nail salon, beautician…check-in at your counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist’s office. Mental wellness is so important yet so stigmatized.
How do you experience everyday life? Do you wake up in the middle of the night thinking of your never-ending to-do list? When is the last time you really stopped to smell the roses? Do you even notice the roses? You may be living in, what Steve Taylor Ph.D. describes as, a sleep state. Many people struggle with this issue. It may be the reason for your depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, and any other negative states experienced. Now more than ever, we walk around with our heads and hands glued to our devices. We fail to unplug from technology, instead, becoming focused on social media, video games, and other internet happenings. When will we realize life is passing us by at an alarming rate? I challenge us all to act more like our preschoolers. They ask “why?”, they notice a “funny” shaped rock on a walk, and they notice the crack in a sidewalk. So let’s do it. Let’s wake up and smell those roses!
A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.
~CHRISTOPHER K. GERMER
How self-compassionate are you? Dr.Brené Brown states self-compassion is “Essential to practicing authenticity and embracing imperfection.” One tool that can help you measure your self compassion AND provide you with resources for improving it, is located at https://self-compassion.org/.