1. You haven’t changed your mind.
If your goal sounds something like “I don’t want to be fat”, that may be your problem. Yes, this may actually be your goal but for many it may not be very motivating. An example of how to reframe that goal, “I want see what it feels like to be fit!” Similar goals, different mindset.
2. You’re comparing your new body to your old body.
It’s easy to get in the habit of looking back at those old high school, college, pre-baby, pre-30’s body, asking yourself the question “How did I get here?” Your body has experienced and will probably never exactly what you expect. You can achieve great results by loving your present body, developing self-compassion, and celebrating the small wins.
3. You have an all-or-nothing mentality.
You start a diet, you cheat, you binge (because you’ve already messed up), and you add this to your list of failures. Just because you weren’t perfect on your diet for one day(s), doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel. Fail forward. Use your mistakes to push and motivate you. Each failure you make is teaching you how to act on the future. Your past failures will give you the data you need to succeed in the future.
4. You’re comparing yourself to other people.
Social media makes it very difficult NOT to compare yourself to others. You see many of your classmates that don’t seem to have gained a single pound since high school, you see social media celebrities that are so toned in all the right areas, you search random inspirational weight loss pictures that should motivate you but only make you realize how difficult the weight loss journey may be. John Acuff said “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” You don’t know what it really took for that person to sculpt their body. Each body is different and reacts to regimens in various ways. Eventually, you will find what works for you.
5. You don’t have any support.
Losing weight is hard for many. It can be frustrating when you don’t see the numbers on the scale move. It can be discouraging when your clothes still don’t fit the way you would like. It can be annoying when other people point out that you’ve gained weight. It can be lonely when you are eating “clean” and others are eating not so clean. Find someone or a group of people that are going through a similar journey. Hire a personal trainer or dietician to jumpstart your weight loss. Find a therapist that will help you find the route cause of your emotional eating. Support can be essential for your journey.
Belema is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach who holds a Master’s degree in Human Relations from the University of Oklahoma. Her mission is to help others, help themselves obtain a healthy mind, body and soul. She understands that each of these entities work together to create a whole, healthy individual. Belema uses her expertise to provide individuals, families and groups with the knowledge needed to reach their optimal mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health goals.
You are just tired of the never-ending bills piling up. Tired of cleaning up your house. Tired of putting on a happy face for your family, friends, and even enemies. Exhausted after feeding your newborn and then pumping, hoping to keep your supply up. You’re searching the internet for as many ideas to increase and maintain your milk supply because you’ll be returning to work soon.
While you’re at work, you’re trying to find a room to pump for your little one, because the designated nursing room is on the other side of the building. You try to create a routine but the routine seems so difficult because you’re so anxious and tired. Anxiety and resentment start building up because you would rather be at home with your baby. Due to very little or no leave at all, you had to return to work in order to help provide for your family .
After trying your best to keep your milk supply up, you realize you just can’t keep up. Then, of course, you feel like a failure and mom guilt kicks into high gear.
Your thoughts are racing and you have very little positive thoughts. You are having a hard time focusing on…well life. You may be keeping it together just enough for your family, friends, and associates to believe you’ve got it together but inside you wish things were different.
The guilt is so real. It’s even more real when you were successful in nursing with your previous kiddos. After realizing that the milk you are supplying is not enough, you have no choice but to by formula. You would have never thought you would be giving your baby formula, but it’s happening. Formula provides nourishment for plenty of babies, you just never thought, you would be you giving formula to your baby.
Mommies, I want to let you know…I feel you. I understand that overwhelming sense of guilt. It sucks. It really sucks when you feel inadequate as a mother. I understand working late, long hours and missing bedtimes. I understand wishing you could change your circumstances. I am here to tell you that you are enough. Your baby will love you even when you can’t love yourself. Your baby will cry for you because that baby doesn’t care about your mistakes. That baby doesn’t care about your mom guilt. That baby is happy cuddling and getting kisses from you.
So mommies, give yourselves a break. You didn’t meet your expectations but that’s ok. You get to learn from your mistakes. You get to use that information to help someone else. Mommies. You are enough!
How do you experience everyday life? Do you wake up in the middle of the night thinking of your never-ending to-do list? When is the last time you really stopped to smell the roses? Do you even notice the roses? You may be living in, what Steve Taylor Ph.D. describes as, a sleep state. Many people struggle with this issue. It may be the reason for your depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, and any other negative states experienced. Now more than ever, we walk around with our heads and hands glued to our devices. We fail to unplug from technology, instead, becoming focused on social media, video games, and other internet happenings. When will we realize life is passing us by at an alarming rate? I challenge us all to act more like our preschoolers. They ask “why?”, they notice a “funny” shaped rock on a walk, and they notice the crack in a sidewalk. So let’s do it. Let’s wake up and smell those roses!
A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.
~CHRISTOPHER K. GERMER
How self-compassionate are you? Dr.Brené Brown states self-compassion is “Essential to practicing authenticity and embracing imperfection.” One tool that can help you measure your self compassion AND provide you with resources for improving it, is located at https://self-compassion.org/.
Forgiveness. A very difficult endeavor for some…easier for others. What does it really mean to forgive? It is unique for everybody and every situation. Holding onto the bitterness and anger that, many times, accompanies unforgiveness causes inner turmoil. Forgiving could be the first step to freedom.
What if the person you need to forgive is you? How many times do we put ourselves down, criticize ourselves or focus on our own weaknesses? It is not uncommon to focus on our mistakes and use it as leverage for mental punishment. We put ourselves in emotional bondage because of the shame and guilt associated with our unhealthy thoughts.
Take some time to self-reflect. It may be time to let go of the shame and guilt so that you may experience the joy of walking in freedom.
How many of us have junk, in our homes, garages, cars, etc., that we keep saying we will get rid of soon? When that free time comes available to get of the junk, what do we do? We make excuses! We will find anything else to fill our time up with, other than cleaning up that junk. Well the same goes for our internal “junk”. Internal junk is the shame, negative self talk, self doubt, low self esteem, anger, and resentment we internalize.
How do we get rid of internal junk? Is this possible? Yes, it is! It is important to take the time to spend time in self reflection. If you know you are walking around with internal junk, would like to get rid of it, but do not know how…start with counseling. We have all heard the cliche definition of insanity…doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome or change. So, if you have been trying to get rid of the internal junk on your own for months or years and have not succeeded…it’s time to try something new.
When will you decide that enough is enough? When will you decide that “I’m tired of this!” It may seem scary or intimidating but counselors or therapists are there to help you work through your internal junk. They are not there to judge you for your past, present or future choices. Stop making excuses!!
Thank You for allowing me to share my thoughts with you!