You Are Enough!

Mom Guilt.

You are just tired of the never-ending bills piling up. Tired of cleaning up your house. Tired of putting on a happy face for your family, friends, and even enemies. Exhausted after feeding your newborn and then pumping, hoping to keep your supply up. You’re searching the internet for as many ideas to increase and maintain your milk supply because you’ll be returning to work soon.

While you’re at work, you’re trying to find a room to pump for your little one, because the designated nursing room is on the other side of the building. You try to create a routine but the routine seems so difficult because you’re so anxious and tired. Anxiety and resentment start building up because you would rather be at home with your baby. Due to very little or no leave at all, you had to return to work in order to help provide for your family .

After trying your best to keep your milk supply up, you realize you just can’t keep up. Then, of course, you feel like a failure and mom guilt kicks into high gear.

Your thoughts are racing and you have very little positive thoughts. You are having a hard time focusing on…well life. You may be keeping it together just enough for your family, friends, and associates to believe you’ve got it together but inside you wish things were different.

The guilt is so real. It’s even more real when you were successful in nursing with your previous kiddos. After realizing that the milk you are supplying is not enough, you have no choice but to by formula. You would have never thought you would be giving your baby formula, but it’s happening. Formula provides nourishment for plenty of babies, you just never thought, you would be you giving formula to your baby.

Mommies, I want to let you know…I feel you. I understand that overwhelming sense of guilt. It sucks. It really sucks when you feel inadequate as a mother. I understand working late, long hours and missing bedtimes. I understand wishing you could change your circumstances. I am here to tell you that you are enough. Your baby will love you even when you can’t love yourself. Your baby will cry for you because that baby doesn’t care about your mistakes. That baby doesn’t care about your mom guilt. That baby is happy cuddling and getting kisses from you.

So mommies, give yourselves a break. You didn’t meet your expectations but that’s ok. You get to learn from your mistakes. You get to use that information to help someone else. Mommies. You are enough!

You Have the Power

He can’t make you feel frustrated. She didn’t make you sad. Your mom didn’t make you feel annoyed. Your thoughts made you feel frustrated, sad or annoyed. Your thoughts caused your feelings. Your feelings caused your actions.  So, how do you change your thoughts? One thought at a time. When you can figure out the sentence or sentences in your mind that led up to your feelings, you can reframe your thoughts, and your feelings will follow. Nobody else can control your feelings. You are the only one that has the power to change your feelings. It may not make sense to you at this moment, but it is possible.

You Don’t Have to Fake It

There are too many posts stating, “suicide is selfish”, “they had so many resources around them”, or “how could they do this to their kids?” When someone believes that suicide is the only way to end their pain…that’s all they can think about. We all have unhelpful thoughts…some more than others. Our thoughts can make us or break us. Mismanagement of our thoughts is why we can’t stop overeating, drinking, abusing drugs, procrastinating, gossiping or whatever problem you can’t seem to solve. Stop judging others and use that energy to reach out to your loved ones.

How do we help? Stop pretending! We aren’t supposed to be happy ALL the time. We will experience positive emotions as well as negative emotions. And that’s ok! Stop resisting negative feelings. It’s part of the human experience. Talk about them with somebody, journal, exercise, whatever you do, don’t resist them.

How do we help? Normalize mental health. The same way you “check in” and give shoutouts when you go to the gym, spa, dentist, chiropractor, nail salon, beautician…check-in at your counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist’s office. Mental wellness is so important yet so stigmatized.